The Real Job Description for Network Architect

Recently, I was asked to write the Job Advertisement for my own role (yeah, personal development thing). I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to write a follow on to What is a CCIE ?.

—Warning Sarcasm Ahead—

Position Overview

We are looking for a Senior Network Engineer / Architect to lead our team of top notch engineers and developing the next phase of our strategic push into new markets. You will be reporting to management and advising on the future directions and growth of our network, in addition to performing Level 3 and 4 technical support with the team.

Technical Skills

You will be able to configure any piece of network kit that has ever been created. And anything that is yet to be invented. Including vendors no one has ever heard of. Of course, we cannot provide you with any resources to do this. We are too tight to buy training courses or even books. You have Internet access and the manuals are provided by the supplier. What else can you possibly need ?

We also expect you to stay fully up to date with world best practice and to be able to help us implement it because we haven’t done best anything, ever. You will be our shining light in the dark.

You should be well versed in ITIL. Someone needs to be. We don’t know what it means but it seems to be in a lot of other job descriptions so we thought that we had better put it in.

Design and Technical Leadership

You will have years of design and architecture experience. Preferably you will have worked in Service Provider, Financial, Reseller, Educational, Government, Military and Enterprise environments.

You will required to present samples of your documentation. We can’t resist taking a look at someone elses documentation to steal ideas from.

You should be able to lead a team of engineers, providing technical direction and support. Our managers certainly can’t, so we want you to do it. We can say things like that because we make the rules.

Personal Development

We encourage personal development by providing endless opportunities to socialise with your work colleagues. Since you will be working late every day anyway, any personal problems that you have, just ask them, they can help you out any issues that you are having.

You can forget Human Resources. We don’t know what they do, but they seem to spend a lot of time off site doing workshops and training.

Don’t ask about training budgets, Human Remorse have already spent it.

Opportunities for Promotion

Of course, if you are successful at your engineering role, we will be so impressed that we will want to turn you into a Manager. An opportunity to use your engineering skills to manage people is a major aspiration for all engineers.

Naturally, the fact that we are managers doesn’t bias our opinion that managers are the most important people in the business (if not the world). We value all our employees regardless of their role or position, we are an equal opportunity employer (we have managers and employees in our company)

Our company believes in promoting from within. We usually can’t find anyone stupid enough to take a job so this helps us find the right (or any) candidates.


Because we are :

1) offering exposure to such a wide array of technologies,
2) such a fantastically awesome company,
3) an amazingly talented groups of managers

we think that you will actually be begging us to work here. In fact we are so talented, we don’t know why we are bothering with you.

We certainly intend to offer you a miserly sum of money in return for the years of training, dedication, diligence and learning you have put in so far.

Of course you are a unique individual, highly motivated and a commitment to getting things done. But if we actually paid you what you are worth you might not be motivated to earn that pay rise.

We offer a generous bonus scheme. No problems with doubling or even tripling your bonus package. After all, we have never been known to pay it. You know how it is, we can always find something that you didn’t do, or some target that didn’t get met, maybe the whole company is heading down the gurgler.


Please make your applications in writing (we are not so good with those computer thingies) to our Human Remorse team. All applications are confidential (but routinely rubbished and laughed at when we read them of course) and treated with impartiality.

  • Tim

    Wow, I have been working there for years.

  • xavi

    me too…

    are we in the same company…. such a small world!!!

  • Dmitri

    …and you’re keep working in this position because…?

    P.S. Not sure if you’re interested in feedback on your site, but I find “Quote Rotator” pretty distracting and Quotes don’t show up correctly in Firefox 3 (at least on a mac) – don’t wrap, get cut off at frame border instead.

    • xavi

      ups, can you offer me something?

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  • Nate

    Fantastic. I particularly enjoyed the required experience: Service Provider, Financial, Reseller, Educational, Government, Military and Enterprise environments. Absolutely, positively right on. Sounds like a Govt Statement of Work.

  • BigD

    LOL!!! This sounds like where I work right now…..

  • Brandon Mangold

    EPIC. This is win.

  • staffordrau

    Love the non-typo “Human Remorse Team”.

  • Graham Brown

    Ok, more than a few years late to the party but this is amazing and so true it makes me cry.