Dear Network Santa, For Christmas can I have ……

It’s been a long year, and I’m sure I’ve been a good lad …….. What’s that ? Yes, Santa, I know I said we would upgrade the North Pole network to IPv6 this year but really the elves at the magical vendor factories found all these problems with IPv6, mostly security problems, but still, harder than we thought. Although the factories had ten years to sort the problems it seems they didn’t really bother to get on with it.

So, I’ve been a good lad and…. Oh, you got application problems again ? Have you checked…. Oh, they say you have an “Advanced Persistent Threat”. Well, that’s nothing too much to worry about just put some cream on that. …. Oh, you mean like that security company RSA had and someone stole their private keys ? Oh, don’t worry about that, nothing seems to have happened to RSA. Just run a virus scanner and you’ll be fine. Nah, nothing to worry about – you haven’t got any more secret secrets than RSA have you ? The US Dept of Defense doesn’t seem bothered after all.

1327969 sparkly christmas tree

I’m sure I’ve been a good lad, ….. What ? Your Data Centre network needs something done about it’s storage. Well, that’s a bit harder. The storage industry is a bit of mess with all these startups doing Flash Arrays and making all the “just new” arrays obsolete with their slow backplanes. And then the hard drive factories went under water. And the FCoE thing is not a hit with the storage admins now the FibreChannel is cheaper than storage grade Ethernet Yeah, probably best just to talk to one of those flash startups and get something from them.

Well, back to my year, I’ve been doing good acts all year. This year I stopped that company buying CheckPoint firewalls which saved them millions and …. Oh, your service provider is trying to sell you an MPLS connection instead of Frame Relay. Oh, well that could be good and bad. Good because you might get some more bandwidth at a better price, bad because your latency becomes “flexible”. What’s that ? Well because the carrier’s don’t actually know exactly where their MPLS circuits are in the network and where the packets go but they make promises anyway.

This Christmas, I’d like to ask for some network management software. Not that crappy OpenView, BMC, Tivoli stuff like you gave me for the last five Christmas’s, they all broke down by the end of January and no one could fix them. Spent millions on consultants but no one could get them going. What’s that Santa ? Yes, I know that would require a lot of magic because they don’t exist yet. I’m kind of hoping that you got some OpenFlow or NETCONF capable elves working on it al


No, Santa. I’m not much bothered about clouds or fabrics or anything like that. I can’t use them you see. Because I can’t see them or manage them properly, none of that stuff matters. Most of us will stick to what they know because they can get visibility with some scripts and the old CLI.

You will see what you can do ? That would be great, I’m tired of configuring VLANs and SwitchPorts and we really need to get better toys to do that.

Thanks Network Santa.

  • Jawed

    Nice :)

  • Brian Christopher Raaen

    I love it.

  • Will


  • Niall Donaghy

    Verily this: “Most of us will stick to what they know because they can get visibility with some scripts and the old CLI.”