Corny Network Engineer Jokes – Updated 20101121-1459

I’ve been collecting corny network engineer jokes that have occasionally erupted on Twitter from time to time. Here they are.
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A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. Bartender says: “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” – Matthew Norwood

A dhcp packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says , “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!” @brandoncarroll:

An LSA Type 6 packet walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender ignores him. – @someclown

An LSA Type 2 packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender say’s “here, but don’t leave the area with it.” @someclown

ICMP packet walks into a bar from warehouse and announces – “no more beer” – @fsmontenegro

Sometimes I feel like a multicast packet. Ask 10 differenet people how to get somewhere and get 10 different answers. @jodylemoine

An RTP packet walks into a bar through the wrong entrance. The barman says “You’re not getting any special treatment” – @xchewtoyx

A multicast packet walks into a bar and leaves by four different exits at the same time – @xchewtoyx

“Knock Knock” “who’s there?” “Denial of Service Attack” “Den…?” “Sn(kRzIhAw]BoKaoOv0liZPhl~FaLoaSa*AgSeaLp|ExleT…” – @MattGordonSmith

A BGP Update walks into a CRS-1. He walks back out with a corrupt optional transitive attribute. – @xchewtoyx

A DNS packet walks into a liquor store – where do I find beer “ABC”?. Clerk: aisle 4, top row on the right. @fsmontenegro

An IPv6 packet walks into a bar. Nobody talks to him. @fsmontenegro

A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” @stevie_chambers

Dhcp pkt stands on a dark street and shouts “does anyone have a beer!?” A bartender of a nearby bar says “sure come on in, lets see the menu. You can have this beer. Patron says “can I have this beer?” Bartender “Aye. But I will need the glass back..er unless you still want it! – anonymous

A Network Engineers tell a joke in a full bar. One man laughs. They start talking about NX-OS and have a blast. @icemarkom

Q. How do you catch an Ether Bunny.
A. With an Ethernet!!
@etherealmind

Q. What did the OSPF router say to the other OSPF router ?
A. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Five routers walk into a bar. Who gets the car keys? The Designated Router. @scottrobohn

DNS is the root of all problems – @jimbofx

IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…” @fsmontenegro

More Jokes ?

Got more ? Then leave your jokes in the comments and I’ll update the list from time to time. Or use the contact page to send me more jokes for everyone to share.

  • http://www.standalone-sysadmin.com Matt Simmons

    A BGP packet walks into a bar and announces, “I’VE GOT BEER IN MY VAN!”. The bar empties, and the next day, everyone has to order new credit cards.

  • http://psytwo.wordpress.com/ Dave

    Some serious classics there! Keep up the great posts!

    Dave

    Twitter: psytw0
    Blog: psytwo.wordpress.com

    • http://etherealmind.com Greg Ferro

      Thanks.

  • Alex S

    Poor little IPv6 packet. But at least he knew from the beginning where that bar actually is and had no need to scream “where is bar? tell me!” on the street.

  • http://pl.atyp.us Jeff Darcy

    An NTP packet calls ahead to make sure the bar’s open. By the time he gets there, it’s closed.

    An ICMP Redirect walks into a bar. Everybody moves next door.

    A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.

    A packet walks into an 802.3x bar. The bartender says, “Be with you in a second.”

  • JNPR

    Bartenders and bouncers are camouflaged STP packets – they’ll nail you if you keep coming back or misbehave.

  • http://twitter.com/josephjay joseph

    great stuff! LOL :)

  • James

    Old MacDonald had a network, EIGRP,
    And on this network, he had some packets, EIGRP,
    With a SYN-ACK here and an SYN-ACK there,
    Here SYN-ACK, there a SYN-ACK, everywhere a SYN-ACK,
    Old MacDonald had a network, EIGRP.

    • J.D. Wegner

      replace “MacDonald” with “John Chambers”

  • loopback0

    I like the TCP packet one. Keep them coming!

  • reggie

    I think all these packets and protocols visit the same bar run by an old bar tender by the name of ‘Loopback’… He runs a bar that never closes.

  • Suave House

    A serial connection walks into a bar called Default Baud. The connection has the same drink all night until the bartender screams, “Last Call”, Connection says, “I’ll have the Xmodem”. The bartender kicks him out.

  • Alex S

    An IPv4 address space walks into a bar and says to bartender: “One strong CIDR please I’m exhausted!”

    A class default packet walks into a bar. Barman knocks him down and serves next customer.

  • http://storagewithoutborders.com John Martin

    I think this one was @rootwyrms, (vague twitter memory) but it doesn’t appear on this list yet

    “An UDP packet walks into a bar and the barman doesn’t acknowledge him”

  • Amos S

    I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

    • http://etherealmind.com Greg Ferro

      I always get TCP jokes.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/NXWBREWBWK5WLYJC5QAOGQGXOI Dean

      Priceless. LMAO!!

    • http://twitter.com/Leighsnelson37 Leigh Snelson

      Have you heard my you my TCP joke?

  • http://ahal.ca ahal

    An ARP request goes to McDonald’s and asks for a Big Mac.

  • Crux Of Fate

    My beer is slow because of all the hops. (tracert)

  • Emy

    a broadcast walk into the bar, everyone stops what they are doing to look…
    am i the only girl on here or what ?!

  • Grant Diffey

    I heard you like vlans so I got you some 802.1ad so you could have vlans in your vlans

  • Kevin Davies

    A forged DNS packet tells the barman: “Need a root?” The next day, no-one can find the bar…

  • ClarityOfReason

    “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “SYN flood.” “SYN flood who?” “Knock knock.” …